Wisprout Life - Coaching & More...
Life presents an opportunity to experience something new all the time. If we allow ourselves to be present with life, we can experience ourselves in a completely different way. Below are a few of my experiences:
We argue for almost everything, we provide our opinions on nearly everything, and above all, we want to be right each time. Somehow every conversation turns into a battle with arguments and opinions flying from either side. And in the end, almost all the time, there is a winner, and there is a loser. The winner basks in the glory of winning an argument and proving themselves right. However, Loser leaves with a bitter defeat, vowing to come back again and become a winner in the next argument. And it is almost comical to see that winner gets nothing and the loser loses nothing in each of these arguments. However, psychological battles are fought, won, and lost in these arguments. We float opinions even if there are no facts to support them, and we out rightly call others wrong. The need for arguments and opinions creates psychological animosity among individuals, which leads to collective unrest and anxiety in the system. Amid all this, the significant outcome seems to be a little different from just being right. It often turns out to be the tendency to prove others wrong.
I lost many arguments, and most of the time felt that my opinions are not being heard or considered necessary. As I saw it, the blame was always on the other person for being indecent, unprincipled, insensitive, callous, and ignorant. But somewhere inside, I always wondered, what is it that I get out of the arguments that I win, except for a transitory feeling of being right and defeating someone. I realized that my winning or losing changes nothing in the world and, most importantly, nothing inside me. It just creates more and more need for a futile win. And as I relinquish my tendency to be correct and prove others wrong, I no longer lose any argument. Now I let others win an argument and respect their opinions because they are their thoughts. And as I allow people the freedom to win an argument, I see the vanishing of my tendency to be correct, as I do not need to be right. And as I do not try to be right, I feel stillness and peace inside me, of course; as a by-product, I get more friends and more listeners.
Life is full of colors, and the range of shades is incomprehensible. Each moment of life presents us with an opportunity to relish the diverse shades. However, we usually are not present enough to distinguish and appreciate this marvel of life in its true colors. The primary reason is that our senses are often clouded by our thoughts and self-imposed limitations, which do not allow us to stop and bathe in the glory of spectacular shades of life. Our anxiousness to only look at the extremes, label people and situations, get to the conclusion of right or wrong, making assumptions, making a constant comparison, and our need to provide a description of everything does not allow us to experience life in its proper form. In the process, we start to see the faded colors of life, limited to just a few hues. And when life loses its colors, we experience dullness, monotony, and flatness. This results in frustration, animosity, bitterness, enmity, and hostility. The lenses that we wear do not allow us to view, experience, and appreciate the full spectrum of life.
I had similar lenses put on for a long time. I saw what I wanted to see and created a world where everyone and everything has to pass the test of my vision. I failed to see the vividness and vibrancy of life and, in turn, could not experience the richness of life in its true riches. And I even complained that life has nothing much to offer; it is a struggle, something that is full of betrayal, a path full of impediments that we need to cross, something where I need to fight to survive continuously and a passage full of fire that needs to be crossed. But as I removed lenses of my inner limitations, the entire landscape changed; what I was looking at was very different, and people around me changed too. And as I started people and situations for what they are without assigning my own colors to them, I started seeing something unusual, astounding, and incredible. Life started showing me the colors I had never noticed, and as the inside filled with colors of openness, the outside became colorful. Now I live in the glory of varied shades of life; now I know life is not black and white, but somewhere in the thousand shades of grey as well.
After a long tiring journey, he arrived at his destination. As he looked back, he reminisced the tough time he had along the way, all the agony he had gone through, the frustration he had, moments of discomfort, and many grumbles. But now he has reached his destination and feels happy about it, at least for now. And he starts another journey for one more destination, again looking forward to those moments of happiness that come right after reaching the destination. The cycle goes on, and so the Life as well, living for and in destinations.
Entire Life becomes a quest for destinations to be reached, in search of those elusive moments of cheerfulness and serenity. And along the way, Life itself wonders, am I being found or lost in between the destinations, am I being lived or dragged on, am I being sprouted or routed, am I being appreciated or expected, and so on. Life yearns for us to live along the way as this is where It lives, evolves, and flowers. Life longs for us to arrive along the way and not at the destination. And Life yearns for us to be joyful in the moments right here and right now. But Life only murmurs and would not scream, and only when we present ourselves to the moment, we listen and adore Life as is.
Nature is perfect in all facets; it is what it is and nothing else. Trees are trees; birds are birds; animals are animals; rivers are rivers; mountains are mountains, and oceans are oceans. Everything in nature is flawless, and it is natural the way it is. There is no need in it to be anything else. Everything in nature remains the way it is, never trying to pretend or be something it is not. However, this is in sharp contrast to how human beings conduct themselves. It is rare to find a natural human being who is not trying to be someone else or not trying to hide something. It looks like human nature is not so natural after all. They have wonderful faces, but they continuously need a façade to show something else. The propensity to put up this façade comes typically from the insecurity that human beings find themselves with. Also, the feeling of lack in different aspects of their life prompts them to try and be someone else. Not willing to show who they are or be who they are. Human beings constantly strive to hide their natural face and nature to gain approval and appreciation from others. Or, in other cases, to put themselves above other human beings, probably creating a sense of preeminence.
I, too, put up a façade for a long time, not revealing my authentic self to anyone. I showed myself to be very strong while inside I actually felt weak, I showed myself to be very confident while inside I was fearful, I showed myself to be cheerful while inside I was awful, I showed myself to be wise while inside I felt unknowledgeable, I showed myself to be loving people while inside I was full of condemnation, I showed myself to be accepting people while inside I was full of disapproval and I showed myself to be patient while inside I was anxious. I was doing all this to gain approval and look good in their eyes, but it was continually creating a void inside me. There were times when I felt utterly confined by my façade and at times almost gasping for the fresh air of life. This confinement and breathlessness led me to look within and ask a few questions. The most important one was “Can I be myself in this world?” and the answer was a big “Yes.” I soon realized that the remedy for all my pain lies in being myself and not someone else. The journey to be me took some time; this also required me to take off my disguise, which I thought to be my identity, for a long time and let go of some of the concepts I was holding on to. Freedom that I experience now in being myself cannot be elucidated in words; it can only be experienced in being who you are.
I wanted to be intelligent and wise, like everyone else. And in my quest to become intelligent, I started reading books, watching videos, talking to different people, and did many courses. I indeed assembled a lot of information and knowledge in my mind from all these actions. Well, accompanied by the data, an arrogant sense of intellect and wisdom also crept in. Loaded with a headful of information which I recently acquired, I started to impress people around me. In that, I felt a sense of achievement and, more than that, pride in being better than other unaware and unintelligent beings.
As the awareness quickly fell upon me, I came to recognize that I am again becoming what I did not want to. In my quest to become intelligent and wise, I missed the very meaning of being wise, which is not about having a lot of information and not at all about showing it. The solution I found was to be myself and not being intelligent or wise. However, more importantly, I realized that you do not realize this unless you go through the cycle of inquiry and learning. Today I am back at the same place I started from, but I am not the same.
Words are words, and that’s what they are, and that’s what they should be. Words are a wonderful thing and many times serve as the basis for human communication. However, too much dependence on words hides more than it communicates. When the communication or conversation is dependent on mere words, we unconsciously start to neglect the message behind the communication.
Every conversation is intended to convey some message, and there is a definite purpose behind every bit of communication. Unfortunately, when we get lost in words, the message is completely lost, and both communicator and listener become confused. This leads to assumptions about the meaning of the communication, where both sender and receiver assume. When we hang on to the importance of the words, communication remains on the surface, and real meaning is never understood. We all know this because there is too much misunderstanding due to miscommunication out there in the world. Miscommunication results in conflicts between family members, groups, communities, religions, nations, etc.
What is required is to go beyond the words and understand the message someone is trying to convey. The only way to do this is to LISTEN and not just HEAR. When we listen, we go beyond the words and look at the person as a whole and not mere words. When we communicate, we always communicate as our complete selves and not just by words—looking at a person as whole means seeing the person with all their expressions, gestures, body language, tonality, emotions, breadth, and intent. As we start to listen for the very purpose of listening, we provide a lot of space for other people to open up and express themselves beyond words. What we do is here is present ourselves with full attention and listen intently. As we listen intently without judgment, prejudice, bias, need for problem-solving, counter-response, and suggestions, we invite and include the whole person in the conversation. This is where beautiful things start to happen, even to the extent where we become independent of the words for communication. Conversations flow like a river full of clarity and poise. Conversations now become effortless, and what is we communicate is clearly understood, thus dissolving the barriers of miscommunication.
Every person somewhere is concerned about not being heard or understood but seldom pays attention to listening. When we start paying attention to how we are listening, we reach a different level of awareness about ourselves and others. We communicate the way we have never experienced before. Again, remember words are mere words, and communication more often happens beyond words. Are you ready to be PRESENT AND LISTEN?
For long human beings have considered themselves to be the ones with all intelligence, giving themselves the right to claim that they are different. However, existence does not know the difference; it is only a creation of the human mind. In specific terms, human beings are considered superior to anything and everything else that exists. But remember, human beings have also created this consideration. For existence, it does not matter; it does not know if we exist, it will not care if humanity does not exist tomorrow.
Humanity has a long-pending need for being humble, sooner the better. It takes off any load of delivering, progressing, or achieving anything which is not aligned to our being or our existence as a whole. In our quest to be continually better, be something else, or do something different, we have already gone a long way away from our natural being. It may be the time to gather ourselves and start aligning ourselves with existence, maybe a time for a new kind of learning. Not because if we become humble, existence will start recognizing us but for the simple fact that we will have the opportunity to return to our roots, live the way we are supposed to, and move away from self-created misery.
When a bird sings, she just sings; it matters not if somebody is listening to her. But she sings as if eternity is listening to her. She sings as if she is the best. She sings for the love of singing. Every time she sings, she sings from her core. She requires no invitation to sing and requires no approval for her singing. She sings for the sake of giving and not receiving. And she sings for no one but herself.
But I had my own ways, not like that bird at all. All my songs had an audience, and my singing depended on their listening. I wanted the world to listen and approve. But I was saddened to find very few. So, as it happened, I stopped singing, blaming it on the listeners as if the world is supposed to. One day the bird sang again as usual from her heart and soul. It just occurred to me as if she is inviting me to sing along, and for the first time, I sang without a need for the audience. As I started singing again, I no longer wanted any endorsement. Now my songs are from my soul and not from my mind. I know my songs are good now, as they are not caged by my expectations. The bird in me sings freely and spontaneously now, and this is one of my bird songs.